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When I was young

Just a little boy

I just wanted to be older

A real big boy

But now I’m there

And all grown up

I’d swap it all

To be a young pup

The best of my years

Were in my youth

That goes without saying

This is the truth

We had fun and games

Shots on swings

Mum what’s for Christmas?

See what Santa brings

We’d play all the games

Hide n seek and kick the can

I dream of my youth

From an old man

I taught my grand daughter how to walk

And now she shouts as she learns to talk

The game she plays is giving a hug

Next thing she’ll say is “where’s the plug”

She mixes her words

She’s all in a muddle

She’s my wee lassie

I’ll give her a cuddle


If I could travel thru time?

What would I do?

Would I stop a big war?

Or foil a crime

Would I go to Dallas?

And stop a shooting

Or pick the lottery numbers

I would be laughing and hooting

Would I go to the 60’s?

And get me some mates

Maybe a guy called Steve Jobbs

Or another called Bill Gates

I dunno if I would be such a maddy

I would go back and have words with my daddy

I would take him away from all the beer

Just so I could have him back here

You left so quickly

You never said goodbye

It was so hard to watch

All of our family cry


Catholic, Protestant, Hindu or Jew

I don’t know what the hell to do

Red yellow black or white

Tell them please no one is right

They shoot they kill

I say this is a damn disgrace

Someone should tell them

We are the Human race

On The Street

My daddy he did not support me

The cops tried to report me

I always wear a frown

Cos everyone tries to put me down

They say Essex is the only way

But that’s not what the people say

Son you are just losing

Your life aint for choosing

I sit begging on the street

Needing tit bits just to eat

Throwing money in my cup

I know the way is up

I just keep aiming high

To reach for more than just the sky

God make it easier for me

Or I am gonna surely die

Just because of my clothes

You look down your nose

I know there is more to me

I am a man and I am free

Now I am up for the fight

At the end of the tunnel there is light

So don’t beat me down

I have thrown away the stupid frown

Old Age

When I was young and growing up

I thought of being old

But they all kept secrets from me

All the things that were not told

My bones all ache

My bald spot hurts

My memory is shot

Where did I put my shirt?

They say youth is wasted on the young

For that I have to agree

Seems only yesterday

When I was twenty three

So many things I hate with age

Some I would like to miss

The saggy skin the lack of teeth

And 17 times a night to piss

New Year

2011 an awful year glad it’s at an end

I have lost so many people

A niece, an uncle and my own father

Whom I loved until the end

Now 2012 is almost here

But I did not shed a tear

I don’t want another like this one

It is my greatest fear

So here’s to 2012

I will not wear a frown

I know they are watching over me

And in heaven wearing crowns


I had a lovely rabbit

It had such big long ears

But my dad he went and ate it

After too many beers

It wisnae me

I'm standing in a lift

It's a real mystery

Who really farted

Well i know it wisnae me

I'm looking around

The air has went flat

Somebody has opened their cheeks

And dropped a dead rat

I'm holding my breath

Wish the lift would go faster

It's making me sick

That will be a disaster

Just who it was

I can't seem to figure

Maybe my daughter

She let out a snigger


He is never on time

He is always late

He is always there for me

I call him a mate

I can tell him things

And he will never repeat

He doesn’t care

If I am messy or neat

With me he will walk

With me he will trudge

Whatever I say

He will not judge

Our friendship has lasted

An extremely long time

We have been naughty

But committed no crime

My pal is not the usual type

He cannot tell and cannot clipe

He misses me when I am on the job

But he is here he’s my dog Bob


So many genres

To choose or to pick

What do I mean

Movies, films or flicks

Got sci fi and action

Comedy and horror

Most are so bad

You’ll forget by tomorrow

At one time u could enter

Just for a jam jar

To see them crash

And roll a new car

But when I go to the flicks

I may seem like a bore

You’ll know where I am

Just listen for the snore


I used to drink so much

But now is very rare

It took the life of my dad

For whom we all did care

Mr. Whyte and MacKay

He said they are my friends

Did they know how low you’d go

Into darkness you would descend

The drug u loved so much

And grew for it to depend

It took you away one Saturday morn

For us it was the end

I cleared my house of all the booze

Beer, whisky, Rum and Gin

I don’t need it anymore

I chucked it in the bin


Over millions of years they are formed

So deep underground

But when u give one to a girl

U hear a lovely sound

Is this for me I hear with glee?

Only cost 2 months salary

U answer when I slip in on my finger

Your response is instant you do not linger

They say they are a girls best friend

Or so I am told

Wrap it up in a band of gold

And it will be there when she is old

People die to get them

Forced to work as slaves

They fight back and run away

They end up in a grave

So I don’t want a diamond

This is how my feelings tend

Give these people a better life

And not their life to end.


You left so quickly

You did not even say goodbye

It hurts so much

To watch people cry

All through life

On you we did depend

We love you dad

You were a friend

I know the words I should have said

But now lie useless in my head

Every day I will think of you

In my heart I know this is true

You are now at peace

In a place of rest

My wee dad

You were the best.


I love sweets and chocolate too

Mars and Bounty and even a Twix

Anything is good

When I am needing a fix

There are 4 main colours

White, dark, milk and Caramac too

But I can never have one

It needs to be two

When u need some love

And you need to trick her

Give her some chocolate

And get into her snickers

Too much chocolate can be a mistake

Eat too many and have a toothache

So when u are fiddling with dentures

You are the master I am the apprentice

I will stay in tonight

Home to roost

I will get me a 2 litre of Bru

And a Cadburys Boost


Years ago apples were just a fruit

But through the time have evolved

And made loads of loot

They started in the 70’s

Now release the sounds

Now are computers

Costing hundreds of pounds

They have iPads and iPods

And hundreds of games

With hundreds of weird

and wonderful names

Now have got cheaper

And not just for snobs

Just one guy to thank

The late Steve Jobbs